The Refining Process

On reflection, nothing has been more influential in the past decade in shaping who I am, what I do and what I say than my journey with pain. This journey has taken various twists, turns and surprises--often those surprises of the negative variety. There is an exhaustion emotionally and spiritually of dealing with pain day in and day out. Although naturally a risk taker and willing to take on big challenges, I have found that my lengthy recovery from my most recent setback debilitating in more than just physical ways. I have found myself more anxious about the future and dreading continued days of grinding pain. I've even found myself holding God a bit at distance, uncertain that I have the faith and stamina to accept whatever he has in store for me.

Psalm 73 has often encouraged my soul. The writer is wrestling with the apparent injustices in his world--that evil people seemingly have better lives than God's followers.

And in the see-saw battle of faith and doubt in his soul he writes, "When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you."

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.